Trade-Offs

[An excerpt from my book When the Stars Align.]

I’ve come to believe that for every major “gift” the universe gives someone in life, there is a trade-off of sorts, a karmic balancing act that has to take place. Moreover, the greater the gift, the greater the trade-off or “price” to be paid. Let me explain what I mean.

Look at any individual who has risen to the heights of success, wealth, creative brilliance, or even spiritual attainment, and you virtually always see some not-so-pleasant circumstance alongside those achievements or gifts that seems to counterbalance that success or achievement. This might take the form of a heavy burden that needs to be carried, such as a health problem or physical “flaw,” the heartbreaking loss of one or more loved ones early in life, heavy responsibilities, sexual frustrations, or an emotional or physical wound from childhood. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen someone who seemed to have it all only to later learn about the heavy personal struggles or sacrifices they privately endured, sometimes even publicly.

This all came to mind for me several years ago while eating at a restaurant when I overheard a young woman in the next booth talking to her friend about the country singer Shania Twain. The woman said, “She has it all— beauty, talent, money... It really seems like some people get all the breaks.”

It just so happened earlier that same day I’d seen an interview with Shania on morning TV where it was mentioned how both of her parents died in a car crash when she was young, forcing her to grow up exceptionally fast and raise her siblings in the process. I didn’t interject myself into that conversation at the restaurant, of course, but I was tempted to lean over and ask that young woman, “Would you trade places with Shania Twain if it meant losing both your parents at that same young age?”

That got me thinking in turn about my own fantasies as a kid growing up, when I was swept up in my admiration of the Beatles and other creative figures, and thinking about how “lucky” Lennon and McCartney were to have experienced so much success, talent, and worldly good fortune. Yet the fact is, both of them lost their mothers at a young age. Would I have traded places with either of them if it meant also accepting that more unpleasant side of the bargain? Considering how much I loved (and still love) my late mother, I’d have to answer no.

Or consider the lives of individuals like Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, and Francis Coppola—three of the most brilliant creative figures of the last half-century—all of whom contracted polio as children and underwent severe physical hardships and isolation as a result. Or take the case of actor Christopher Reeve, who found early success playing Superman in films, but then was paralyzed from the neck down as a result of a horse-riding accident. And then there is Beethoven, one of history’s greatest composers, who went completely deaf and experienced a deeply frustrating love life. I also think of the spiritual teachers I’ve studied with, who inspired me in terms of their discipline, knowledge and wisdom, but who endured extreme hardships of their own.

The list goes on.

I’m not suggesting there is necessarily some metaphysical principle involved in all of this—although there may well be, in a certain sense. For example, many astrologers believe that worldly success or achievement is often indicated in the horoscope by “hard” aspects (90-degree relationships particularly, but sometimes 180-degree or even zero-degree relationships). These are what astrologers regard as high-energy, “manifestational” patterns. By comparison, a chart with nothing but comparatively easy aspects like trines or sextiles usually show a relatively comfortable life but not one particularly driven toward worldly achievement. Those individuals may well dream of such things, but they’re not likely to have the energy or motivation to work hard for them. The trade-off with hard aspects, however, is they usually come with hard life-experiences. The upshot here is, “successful” lives are often associated with some of the most difficult horoscopes—and in turn, some of the most difficult lives.

But astrological metaphysics aside, even from a purely psychological standpoint it’s safe to assume that high achievers are generally those fueled by emotional difficulties or insecurities in life, and that the greater the achievement and success, the greater the psychological need for achievement and success.

Either way, whether metaphysical or strictly psychological, it’s a phenomenon I’ve come across so many times I can’t help but wonder if there isn’t a very real principle or “law” at work. There truly does seem to be a curious ecology of counterbalances at work in our lives, however we choose to explain it.

So if you should happen to depart this world and find yourself up on the astral awaiting your next incarnation, with a burning desire to come in and make your own big mark on the world, ala’ Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, or Genghis Khan, go for it—but just remember: a hefty trade-off will probably be involved!

Ray Grasse is a writer, astrologer, and photographer living in the American Midwest. He is author of ten books, most recently In the Company of Gods and So, What Am I Doing Here, Anyway? His websites are www.raygrasse.com and www.raygrassephotography.com.